last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
