I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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