so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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