look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
