I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Randomize
