Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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