i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
