Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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