Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
