I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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