So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
