I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Randomize
