Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Ladies don't puke and tell
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
