i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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