I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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