at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
