He asked me if I "almost moaned"
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
