Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
