tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
