she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I will be naked everywhere
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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