Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
