if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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