She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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