remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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