Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
