I have demons in me.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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