and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
