Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize