How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
