Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
