you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
