No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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