Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
