i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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