It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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