I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
