if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
