omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
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