I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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