So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
