Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
