If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
