I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
