that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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