what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
handjob tips. give me some.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
