I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Who died my cat blue again?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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