i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
