talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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