Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
