I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
