I can't watch pbs sober anymore
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
