mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
