She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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