Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
