In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Do you have feelings for this penis?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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