tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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